I Bought the Most Un-Jalop Ride Ever. Here's Why.

"Hooker" (Hooker)
10/23/2013 at 20:23 • Filed to: None

The Chevrolet Equinox (2013 model) represents most things that we Jalops hate about how, and why people buy cars. Why then, would I go out and purchase one? The answer is both simple and a bit complicated

First the simple. I no longer have a 100 plus mile commute to which I need an high MPG car to card my lard ass around in. This opens up larger, more grown up vehicles that can swallow my bike (and other great things that home owners get at Home Depot on the weekends). That's a big one. I am increasingly more active in my life and my ride needs to reflect that activity without goofy, intrusive and otherwise ugly roof racks. The bike, for all of you that are concerned, fits without taking the front wheel off or having to bend and contort ones body to get it in.

Also, My family is ever growing. No, I don't have a wife or kids yet (really, not sure I even want either) but my brother does and then there is my parents and such. Every time anyone gets into my Cruze they bitch about the lack of room in the hind quarters. I always tell them it's better than walking. However, on a long trip, this is definitely a stretch. Basically, lighten up Francis, we are almost there.

It has equipment. Heated seats, cloth (I prefer this), bluetooth all things, and various other neat things. Oh, and a sunroof because it came with it, not because I actually care. The car looks good and is well proportioned. Bonus? Odie the super pup likes it.

The complicated bits come here. I am an enthusiast, and with this trade I lose my lovely 6 speed manual and rather tossable machine. I will miss it. The good news is, I work at a dealership and have many cars with which to source my fun if need be. Sure, there will be times I will miss the 3 peddle, but in the grand scheme of things, it's all around a win for my changing lifestyle.

The other bit is mileage. Though I still like to get good MPG's, it's not necessary for them to be extraordinarily high. This ute gets around the same in town as I was getting in my Cruze. Side note, I wasn't all that nice to the Cruze on first launch. I'm a good bit easier on the 'Nox. As such, I don't expect huge differences in fuel cost.

Overall, I am happy with my decision. Does it make me less of an enthusiast? Less of a Jalop? Methinks not. I still have that burning passion, things just got a little more practical in the Hooker household is all.

What say you, Oppo?

DISCUSSION (87)

ddavidn > Hooker
10/23/2013 at 20:27

Someone is bound to ask, so I'll bite. Why not get a wagon? Wagon and a bike rack? Just curious.

Genuine question, I have no problem believing you are a Jalop with a comfortable, useful ride.

TheOnelectronic > Hooker
10/23/2013 at 20:29

Were you the one with the light blue Cruze Eco?

As I've said before, a (car) enthusiast is someone who likes cars. That's all it takes. You are far from the only one here who drives a "boring" car.

RW53104 > Hooker
10/23/2013 at 20:29

As much as I despise seeing these cars everywhere (everywhere, everywhere), I totally get your point. You just can't beat practicality sometimes, especially when limited to one vehicle. And if a car can't enable you to do the other things you love doing in your life, you're going to end up hating it one day and that's just a shame.

I'm suspecting you work at a Chevy dealer? And what say you of the Canadian Cruze Diesel Wagon?

911e46z06 > Hooker
10/23/2013 at 20:30

I say you should have gotten a Tahoe, so you could at least go off road if the mood strikes you.

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > Hooker
10/23/2013 at 20:31

Do you like your car and not really car what others think? If yes, then you are a Jalop.

If you DO care what others think, go buy a bro truck and roll coal with all the other still-wearing-ed-hardy-flat-brimmed-hats-and-axe-body-spray crowd. Your bros are sure to be supportive. (Like my sarcasm? I've been told it is delicious. Tastes like cotton candy)

Birddog > Hooker
10/23/2013 at 20:33

Not a bad buy. Logic should always win out on a new car purchase and you shouldn't have to lose your J-card for it.

Keep in mind I own a first gen Xterra so I'm not really a Civic driving SUV hater to begin with.

TurboSloth > Hooker
10/23/2013 at 20:47

Needs an Oppo sticker. Then it's jalop-certified. Fuck the haters.

Walfisch > Hooker
10/23/2013 at 20:50

I think the only un-Jalop thing that you could have done in this situation... is if you failed to secure the most economical financing available for you. Otherwise, you have a car, you take care of it, and you don't park like an asshat. You're not losing your Jalop badge, don't worry. The loss of a third pedal is regrettable, but that's ok.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > 911e46z06
10/23/2013 at 20:58

The problem is he then has an obligation to keep it dirty to avoid being one of "those" truck owners. Everyone will walk past an equinox and just go "meh".

911e46z06 > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles
10/23/2013 at 21:02

Nah man, in the absence of a 6'' lift and those terrible black wheels with the chrome star on the center cap, a nice stock Tahoe doesn't draw bro-truck ire.

PatBateman > 911e46z06
10/23/2013 at 21:07

Z-71 Tahoes rock. My wife wants to get one next year.

911e46z06 > PatBateman
10/23/2013 at 21:10

I'm a fan of the Tahoe. Just bought a '97 last week which I'm decking out for Baja duty. Exciting stuff.

feather-throttle-not-hair > Hooker
10/23/2013 at 21:14

I'd say that if you like it, that's reason enough to own it. Everybody has random softspots for certain cars.

xxstich666xx > Hooker
10/23/2013 at 21:22

The dealership I work at sells Terrains and it's a pretty nice to drive and well equipped car. Now the Enclave/Acadia/Traverse on the other hand is a steaming pile of shit that no sane person should ever touch with a 10 foot pole. They're notorious for tranny failures and throttle hesitation that's almost got me into a few accidents. Also don't you even attemp to climb more than a 10% incline at highway speeds. It feels like you were hit by a 200mph headwind.

MountainCommand > 911e46z06
10/23/2013 at 21:49

Tahoes all the way. Suburbans if you can afford em.

Hooker > 911e46z06
10/23/2013 at 22:04

Not willing to take THAT much of a mileage hit. Also, stupid expensive in the year range I would entertain.

Hooker > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
10/23/2013 at 22:05

I like my car and really don't care what others think. It's good looking and I really enjoy driving it. Also, the aforementioned awesome that is not having to take apart my bike to fit it!

Hooker > TheOnelectronic
10/23/2013 at 22:06

Yes indeed I was. I have really only ever owned boring cars. I tend to be attracted to them. I tend to be on the more practical side of fun than anything. I get excited to maximize MPG instead of MPH (though I still enjoy the MPH!)

Hooker > ddavidn
10/23/2013 at 22:07

I love wagons. Sadly, GM doesn't make anything in wagon form that I can afford. I genuinely like the GM products and how configurable they are. Also, it's just a good looking ride.

Hooker > xxstich666xx
10/23/2013 at 22:09

That bad? I just recently (yesterday) drove one for two hours back from the auction. 2013 LTZ loaded with it all. It was smooth, quiet, had plenty of acceleration and a high quality interior. All day comfortable seats. Can't speak to the transmission issues, never seen one at my dealership in for a tranny.

Hooker > Walfisch
10/23/2013 at 22:13

Right. 1.99 for 60 months (long term, I know.) Also, I got the car about $4,000 off of retail value. I got it basically for trade in value. Not a bad deal. I will miss the third pedal but I will be able to drive one whenever I want as long as there is one on the lot.

911e46z06 > Hooker
10/23/2013 at 22:13

Fair enough. Not trying to be a dick here, but I don't see the point of an SUV that doesn't tow or off-road well. You can get the same utility out of a wagon, or even a minivan, plus better gas mileage.

ddavidn > Hooker
10/23/2013 at 22:14

Oh. I guess I completely forget that there's no wagons in the Chevy lineup. The SS might be fun to see in wagon form, yeah?

Hooker > feather-throttle-not-hair
10/23/2013 at 22:14

My soft spots tend to change with the wind. Haha. I don't keep cars very long, a la Doug DeMuro.

Hooker > TurboSloth
10/23/2013 at 22:18

I have Oppo sticker. Will install soon and post picture. I was waiting to install because I figured that I was going to trade cars. Thanks!

Hooker > RW53104
10/23/2013 at 22:20

Wait, the Canadians got the diesel wagon? I didn't know that. Yes, I work at a rural Chevy dealer (round 2 for me).

Hooker > 911e46z06
10/23/2013 at 22:21

I would get a wagon if GM (slight fanboy here) offered one here in the states that I could afford. This was the compromise. And it looks good too.

Hooker > 911e46z06
10/23/2013 at 22:22

Oh, and you're not a dick. Just your opinion. That's kind of what this place is about.

Hooker > ddavidn
10/23/2013 at 22:22

Yes. If that happens I will sell a kidney and maybe a lung to get one. Manual, of course. If they ever get around to offering one with it.

Hooker > Birddog
10/23/2013 at 22:24

The only really good thing about it is that I am up a little higher now (still weird). That means I no longer have to wonder if there is a car barreling down the road I can't see due to big things.

ddavidn > Hooker
10/23/2013 at 22:29

I'd want to try out an SS if it came in manual. Sedan or wagon.

Actually, I want to drive one anyway...

911e46z06 > Hooker
10/23/2013 at 22:29

Ah, yes. I've made questionable decisions because of brand loyalty myself. GM brand loyalty in fact. Can't fault you for that.

RW53104 > Hooker
10/23/2013 at 22:32

Upon further research I think I'm wrong on Canada getting it... I think it was a review done up yonder, or a release, something.

Ah, well.

Hooker > 911e46z06
10/23/2013 at 22:32

Much appreciated. I figure these days it's extremely hard to buy a piece of crap right off the line. Also, 5 yr 100,000 power train warranty.

Hooker > ddavidn
10/23/2013 at 22:33

Agreed. It's just one of those cars, you know? Especially having driven a Pontiac G8 GXP. Gives me something to compare it to.

Hooker > RW53104
10/23/2013 at 22:34

Dammit. This. Close.

911e46z06 > Hooker
10/23/2013 at 22:34

Yeah, can't argue with that. I still would have taken the gas hit and gone full-size, but I see where you're coming from.

Stef Schrader > Hooker
10/23/2013 at 22:58

If you miss having a tossable ride, Miatas and 944s come cheap. :)

Ain't nothin' un-Jalop about having a car you like. Even if it ends up being a beige Camry.

ddavidn > Hooker
10/23/2013 at 23:01

I'd accept a drive in that as well. I've driven nothing with a nice big american engine aside from the Suburban I took my driver's test in. That had a 454.

Dunnik > Hooker
10/23/2013 at 23:02

I work for a rental car company and we have lots of these. For a CUV, they're actually pretty nice. There's no "Avoid Abrupt Maneuvers" death warning on the sunvisor like the RAV4 and (ugh) RVR. Pretty comfortable (heated) seats, handles like...a car. Well-equipped, nice headunit, good power, looks to have decent cargo room, and not bad looking compared to its competitors. It looks like a 90's cross trainer. Which is cool. Sorta.

I do see what your saying vis a vis this car fitting your lifestyle, and your point about roof racks. But its still a shame there isn't a new wagon that's in this price range. I can't very well go and recommend you get yourself a new longroof E-Class, and even the slightly dubious Volvo V70 is way more expensive than this Chevy. The Japanese wagons are just too small, thought the Legacy wagon might have fit the bill (but again, more expensive...).

Hooker > Stef Schrader
10/23/2013 at 23:04

Miata is always the answer, isn't it?

Hooker > Dunnik
10/23/2013 at 23:05

You hit the nail on the head. That's exactly where my mind was thinking. Also, work for dealer, get insanely good price.

Dunnik > Hooker
10/23/2013 at 23:14

I don't suppose you could tell GM people keep wanting wagons and you're like, sorry, we don't make em! And then Chevy is like, whoa, we gotta make wagons again - lets wagonize all the things and make 'em available in RS/SS versions. And then maybe they do this before they actually realize the market for wagons is like two percent or whatever and falling :/

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > Hooker
10/23/2013 at 23:18

I drive a Fiat, so I can appreciate that last point more than you know.

Dunnik > 911e46z06
10/23/2013 at 23:20

I've driven the Tahoe and 'burban at work and I like them both, but the 'burban is overkill unless you're really hauling lots of gear. But they're both proper GM trucks. Not the best off-roaders, but capable. A bit dated, yes, but so what. And the Tahoe has available (?) cylinder deactivation, yes? Still not a Prius but every bit helps.

But probably like, what, 20 g's more than what you paid for its smaller brother? I spec'd out a Tahoe for fun one time and it ran up to like $60k plus in LTZ form with all the trimmings waaa

Stef Schrader > Hooker
10/23/2013 at 23:23

Yeah, but the 944 comes with a roof!

911e46z06 > Dunnik
10/23/2013 at 23:31

Good trucks. I've had. Shit, 5 or 6 Suburbans and 4 Silverados. Also a K5 Blazer, and I just bought a Tahoe. Never had a problem with a full-size GM

Dunnik > 911e46z06
10/23/2013 at 23:37

With the Tahoe, some people will think you're a cop. Or a gangster.

When I see a Tahoe in my rear-view, I give it a closer look for the tell-tale grill lights.

When I drive them at work, people give me space. Especially when we have American-plated ones ("Don't agravate that black Tahoe with the Florida plates, dear, it could be a rolling meth lab!").

Hooker > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast.
10/23/2013 at 23:39

Indeed.

TheOnelectronic > Hooker
10/23/2013 at 23:40

I mean, you've got a firetruck. I'm pretty sure that puts you at an 11 on the 5 year-old scale of awesomeness, which is basically what we all recognize.

Hooker > Dunnik
10/23/2013 at 23:40

2%? I didn't realize the Jalopnik community was so large. I'll see what I can do.

Hooker > Stef Schrader
10/23/2013 at 23:40

Roofs are so 1999.

Hooker > TheOnelectronic
10/23/2013 at 23:41

Aren't we all basically 5 year olds on any given day?

Volvosaurus-Rex > Hooker
10/23/2013 at 23:57

If you wanted an SUV, you wanted one. Being a Jalop is about wanting a car for a specific purpose.

That being said, there are so many better choices in that segment...a few even come with three pedals.

911e46z06 > Dunnik
10/24/2013 at 00:27

Super official. Never had a black one. That would be FBI as shit.

PatBateman > 911e46z06
10/24/2013 at 01:16

I'd have to keep one stock, for mom-mobile duties, but still able to tow a boat and cope with light off-road (read: rocky ranch and some mud) duties.

911e46z06 > PatBateman
10/24/2013 at 02:12

They're still pretty capable stock. I'm not doing much to mine. Just wheels, tires, skid plate, KC lights, and a winch. That's more than enough to get me anywhere I need to go.

Philbert/Phartnagle > Hooker
10/24/2013 at 02:57

You have my sympathy.

Pabuuu, JDM car enthusiast & Italian parts hoarder > Hooker
10/24/2013 at 04:35

Are you going to change anything about it?

For example Platsti-dip the wheels.

ThatWillBuffOut > Hooker
10/24/2013 at 08:25

I, too, have the most "un-jalop" vehicle ever. A 2012 Nissan Versa sedan. However, I still consider myself an enthusiast. I think you still are as well. I need at least one practical car that I don't have to worry about.

BrownMiataDieselWagon > Hooker
10/24/2013 at 10:12

This does not make you less of an enthusiast or a Jalop.

However, not the case if you got this...

Kinja'd!!!

Hooker > BrownMiataDieselWagon
10/24/2013 at 10:32

If I got that, I would respectfully request a 21 gun shot in the face by my fellow men.

Hooker > ThatWillBuffOut
10/24/2013 at 10:33

Exactly my thoughts. I still have fun things, just needed one thing to be reasonable.

Hooker > Philbert/Phartnagle
10/24/2013 at 10:34

Much appreciated! Still, I like it. It's a good bit nicer than the car it replaces and it has niceties like heated seats and bluetooth streaming audio. Also, swallows bike.

Hooker > Pabuuu, JDM car enthusiast & Italian parts hoarder
10/24/2013 at 10:35

I'm not sure yet. First step is to find and install the Oppo sticker. Next? Not sure. Suggestions? I like the wheels the way they are. Going to upgrade the rear reverse lights to super bright LED's because my dad is the light guy.

Pabuuu, JDM car enthusiast & Italian parts hoarder > Hooker
10/24/2013 at 11:00

I found some 'inspiration' for you:

Kinja'd!!!

How about a bullbar?

Kinja'd!!!

Maybe you can be the first to stance it?

here are some examples:

Kinja'd!!!

To make it more relevant, here is a Chevrolet:

Kinja'd!!!

Maybe lower it a bit?

So many ideas...

Hooker > Pabuuu, JDM car enthusiast & Italian parts hoarder
10/24/2013 at 11:19

That first image almost lost you a recommended star! Gah. Bull bar is nice. Thinking that the lowering would be neat. Not too low but maybe an inch. We'll see how much that costs. For now, stock until more money.

Pabuuu, JDM car enthusiast & Italian parts hoarder > Hooker
10/24/2013 at 11:49

Nice! keep us updated!

Hooker > Pabuuu, JDM car enthusiast & Italian parts hoarder
10/24/2013 at 12:26

As always.

Philbert/Phartnagle > Hooker
10/24/2013 at 18:23

Being a non-Chevy person, I was joking and being a smartass.

Now you've gone and made me feel like just a plain ass, I apologize.

Enjoy your new vehicle.

Hooker > Philbert/Phartnagle
10/24/2013 at 19:48

That was not my intent. Feel free to go back to being a smart ass. You're not hurting my feelings not one bit!!

Philbert/Phartnagle > Hooker
10/24/2013 at 20:35

Hahaha, Great!

I think we could be good friends, bullshitting and criticizing each other's rides.

P.S. Even though it's a, "gasp" Chevy, I kind of like that interior design and as I grow older I have also come to love the heated seats in the winter.

P.S.S. I also do not really dislike Chevys, I just like to argue at times with those people who think it really matters what brand someone else drives. I have great fun at times on You Tube doing that with all brands of fanboys. Some get really apoplectic and I have amassed enough offers for ass kickings to last me a lifetime.

Anyways, enjoy the car and give us a review of it later on. :thumbup:

Hooker > Philbert/Phartnagle
10/24/2013 at 23:29

I don't know where you came from (your name doesn't sound familiar but to be honest, I haven't been around much) but you are awesome! I really enjoyed that!

I'm not a fanboy, though, there are some brands I simply don't like. I try not to hold it against those who buy them though. It's fun to poke at each other. Isn't that what Oppo is for?

The interior is tops for me. I like the overall design. The hard plastics are well muted and not shiny. They look more expensive than they are.

Philbert/Phartnagle > Hooker
10/25/2013 at 01:07

The name is just one I use on Gawker media sites. I'm just another gearhead car guy (mostly Mustangs), that stumbled across Jalopnik numerous years ago and found it to be a refreshing break from online forums. I still spend most of my time on various forums (what time I have to spare these days that is), but I stop by Jalopnik, Oppo, and the others often to see what's new and they never disappoint.

I agree, I don't hold what they buy against anyone, but it's fun to prod them on occasion just to see how fanatic they are and what kind of reply I get. Yours is one of the best replies I've ever gotten. It really did make me feel bad for poking fun at your vehicle choice because of the brand.

I think "most" manufacturers have started to get a good handle on plastics and how to use and present them. My wife has a 2010 Mercury Milan and some of the interior pieces at first glance appear to be leather to me. Especially the soft plastics.

Take care and I'll see you around here occasionally.

Hooker > Philbert/Phartnagle
10/25/2013 at 09:38

Well it's certainly good to have you around! You are definitely a positive contribution to the 'breath of fresh air.' Yeah, had a 2012 Fusion that I felt similar about.

lightsout565 > Hooker
11/01/2013 at 22:31

Oppo Sticker? Check this post

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Hooker > lightsout565
11/01/2013 at 22:54

Oh, I have one. Just need to locate it! :) I need to clean my house and I have a feeling I will find it then. During the trading of the cars, I had people in from out of town. It's here somewhere. Thanks for the link again though as I will likely get another one for my spare ride!

M54B30 > Hooker
11/02/2013 at 01:10

These aren't bad cars. If I needed to buy a small SUV, these are available for a good price. Pretty comfy and a decent set of features. Not a bad buy.

McSchmalex > Hooker
11/02/2013 at 06:33

One day I do plan to get such a grocery getter such as this. Something used, cheap, simple, comfortable, good on gas, unassuming and practical.

And then on the side I am going to have something loud, fast, flashy, exotic, two seater, maybe T-top or convertable, and only to be driven once or twice a week.

Hooker > McSchmalex
11/02/2013 at 09:04

That's exactly where I am in life. This is practical and makes sense in the day to day. The antique hot rod fire truck and the Miata are the toys for the weekend!

Hooker > M54B30
11/02/2013 at 09:05

Much appreciated! Yeah, I got this one at cost, which was nice. Honestly, the sticker on this thing was $29,000 when brand new. Even if I had paid profit on it, it would have only been 23,000 used. Not bad for a car less than a year old.

McSchmalex > Hooker
11/02/2013 at 11:45

It is kind of like having a nice wife that cooks and cleans and does laundry and keeps you warm at night... and then having that crazy redhead who is stripping her way through college on the side...

...yeah I just went there...

M54B30 > Hooker
11/02/2013 at 13:04

Nope. I always thought they look pretty sharp in anything other than base model trim. I had one as a rental and was fairly impressed. It was a darkish blue and I actually thought it looked quite good.
If it's a car you like, that suits your needs, and is one you're happy with, that may be the most Jalop car for you.

Gloff > Hooker
11/02/2013 at 14:13

Suggestion: Buy an older "enthusiast" car, you know, an E30, E34, E21, E28, 2002, Austin Mini, 240sx, 240z, 300zx, Miata... there's more, but you get the idea.

That's what I did, except I did it in reverse, bought the E30, then the Ranger (with a stick!) for practicality.

Hooker > Gloff
11/02/2013 at 14:21

Already had the Miata and an antique fire truck hot rod too.

Gloff > Hooker
11/03/2013 at 02:25

Never too many Miatas.

Kinja'd!!!

dr861 > Hooker
11/03/2013 at 17:13

Being an enthusiast has nothing to do with the car you own. Most of the enthusiasts I know probably couldn't afford the car they really want and just have to be reasonable.